Somebody Else

Trigger warning: disordered eating, restriction and emotional abuse * * * First of all, and potentially last of all, she's prettier than me. There was a sinking feeling of sorts, when I happened across her page. Ah, I see it. I see what he sees in her. Because she's prettier than me. Prettier than me, … Continue reading Somebody Else

Today Was…

Today was...dragging my feet at work. My sleep has been poor this past week and a lot of the tasks at the pharmacy are pretty tedious at the moment so there was a lot of checking my phone, getting distracted and feeling guilty because of it. Today was...something he'd said replaying in my head over … Continue reading Today Was…

Life Update

I've not written in a couple of months and I don't feel like I have the brain power to write anything particularly conceptual or structured. So this is just a life update, I guess. Since I last wrote, the madness of Covid-19 swept the world - throughout which I was working full-time in pharmacy. I … Continue reading Life Update

Working Backwards: CPTSD

Chronic emotional abandonment devastates a child. It naturally makes her feel and appear deadened and depressed. Functional parents respond to a child's depression with concern and comfort. Abandoning parents respond to the child with anger, disgust and/or further abandonment, which in turn exacerbate the fear, shame and despair that become the abandonment mélange. Overreaction to … Continue reading Working Backwards: CPTSD

Desire Is Not Respect: Attraction + Trauma Bonding

Something that's changed for me significantly in the past few years is the way I approach attraction and romantic interest. This is quite encouraging for me because experiencing frequent bouts of depression sometimes makes me feel that everything is stagnant and that there's no point to anything; so it's really nice to feel like despite … Continue reading Desire Is Not Respect: Attraction + Trauma Bonding