In my last post, I briefly talked about the fact that I was in a creative slump. It’s not so much that I don’t have the ideas or desire to make music – because I do – it’s mainly a time-management issue. I’m a full-time student with a lot of course work to do and due to my living circumstances, I’ve also been very sleep-deprived lately. The week before last I could cope with that but last week I got a part-time job to help with money struggles and it just became a bit much. I think my brain has subconsciously gone into panic mode. The sudden decrease in opportunities for me-time means that almost every moment I’m not studying or working I’m plunging myself into overuse of social media in a bid to calm down and relax. It kind of just happened suddenly but now it’s been going on for days. I’m alternating between feeling empty and upset most of the time. I know that if I pull back from social media I’ll actually have time to recenter myself and then find time to do some music.
I’ve already explored overuse of social media on my blog so in a way I’m disappointed in myself for falling back into old habits but I know that being hard on myself is not the answer. In situations like these, something we can all gain is an understanding of contributing factors that caused the unhealthy behaviour. In my case, that would be persistent fatigue, a heavy workload and a sense of panic surrounding my schedule. I guess in assessing the situation, the hope is that it won’t happen again. God knows. I think life itself is a work in progress. Like many people, I’m a self-critical perfectionist so life being a work in progress is a concept I have trouble grasping. It’s difficult not to let little pitfalls feel like big failures.
But social media has been proven to be addictive. It’s designed that way and I’m certainly not immune to it. I’m aware of how unhappy I am the more I utilise it but still I continue to do it: that is unmistakably an addiction. Maybe the methods I’ve used in the past to reduce my social media use weren’t strict enough for someone who regularly relapses; for someone’s who’s really addicted. In the article I shared above, the writer recommends visiting social media sites just once a day by scheduling it and keeping track of how long you’re on it. I want to be someone who can do that. At the moment, that seems like a crazy idea which just goes to show how much I actually use it. I’ll make exceptions for WhatsApp and Soundcloud because the former is my main form of communication I have with boyfriend and the latter I use to listen to music whilst I’m doing other things. I am determined to truly kick the habit. If I don’t, I’m sacrificing my dreams and ambitions; and the most precious thing of all – the present moment.
Despite the binging on social media, I have actually been really productive with my course work and revision for college. And another positive is that I’m not mad at myself for the lack of time I’ve spent on music lately. Before I fell into this slump, I did start making a new song. It’s only 16 bars long but I think it has a lot of promise and it’s the most “trap” sounding beat I’ve made so far. I know that soon I’ll be able to pick up where I left off and continue making music I love. 🙂
Do you relate to overuse of social media? Let me know in the comments below!
My next blog post will be on Self Care. Thanks so much for reading. 🙂
– SMUT. ❤ xxxx