My life lately has been defined by reassessing a lot of the things I thought I knew and the beliefs I thought I had. I’ve been saying yes to more things and liking things I didn’t think I would. I feel like I’m looking back on beliefs and practices I used to cling to strongly and applying a more openminded and relaxed approach to them. Beliefs bring with them a certain level of security and definition that a lot of us need in our lives; but after having to lose so much, I’m clinging to beliefs and prejudices less and less.
I think this is how we create ourselves – by challenging things we thought we knew and, in a way, starting from scratch again. This also means letting go of attachment to others’ preconceived notions of who we are – sometimes these notions need to die too. I read something once about how people are ever-changing and that you should expect them to be different each time you meet. I keep this in mind when I catch up with friends and they tell me things I didn’t expect to hear. I try to embrace their growth, even if it is at the expense of aspects of them that I hold dear. To love someone means to also love their journey and constant transition in life. I can only hope that as I continue to change and progress, my loved ones will express the same sentiments towards me.
Self permission is the last step on my journey of self-esteem growth. To me, self permission means giving myself the permission to be who I truly want to be and live the type of life I truly want to live. For this, I feel I need an extra push to really cement this intention into my head. Although I’ve been blessed with a new perspective on life, the last few weeks have also ben characterised by somewhat reckless coping mechanisms. Whilst I forgive myself for this, I’m also aware that structure is key in bringing about positive change.
I want to begin some sort of formal manifestation practice. I follow Alyse from Raw Alignment on YouTube who has made several videos on manifestation and I plan to model my new practice around these. For a long time, I was very sceptical about manifestation. I thought it was self-centred, unrealistic and materialistic – I guess the potential for it to be all three of these things is still there – but I realised recently that it doesn’t have to be. At the root of manifestation is the belief that we can live the life we always dreamed of. It is about faith and self confidence. When we start to believe in this way, a shift in our consciousness occurs and we start to, almost unwittingly, affect change in our lives. It’s not necessarily about things happening to us as much as it is about being in the headspace to actively manifest these things ourselves with our own actions. So a formal manifestation practice is the first intention on my list of exploring self permission.
I read an article just now about self permission and depression where the writer lists ways in which we can practice giving ourselves permission in our lives. Her main pointers are:
- Let go of approval (from others)
- Stop judging (yourself)
- Disentangle your worth (from what you do – focus on higher self instead)
- Learn to trust yourself (to make conscious choices)
- Permission for self care (regularly, not only when faced with illness/burnout)
- Replace obligation with choice (on your own terms, according to your own desires)
- Practice permission (make a list of things you would do if given self permission, check them off as you go)
I plan to refer to this article throughout this week and beyond and meditate on these points, either formally or otherwise. I think these points could really help me. Especially the point about disentangling my worth from what I do. Although I love music with all my heart, being a creative does bring with it highs and lows and sometimes I forget that whether or not I’ve had a productive day with music does not define my self worth as an artist or otherwise. The same goes for my writing. There are lots of ideas circulating on social media all the time about what it means to be a good musician and what it takes to “make it”. Days off does not feature very often. Although I understand why this is, it’s also very unforgiving of people like me who are historically prone to depression and who have days where brushing teeth or having breakfast seems a monumental task.
In the aforementioned article, the writer also mentions that self permission also requires self responsibility which was an apt reminder for me. I wrote a post on self responsibility a few months back which I could do with rereading to jog my memory. One thing, amongst others, that I could do with taking responsibility for this week is my compulsions. These have ranged from social media use to misinformed diet choices to staring into space, quite frankly, and they’ve arisen out of a fear of my own emotions. I’ve felt this way many times before but I’m not beating myself up about it too much because life goes in cycles, as my counsellor once told me, and we are bound to find ourselves experiencing the same situation multiple times. The important thing is that we grow in awareness each time we find ourselves in these situations. A way I could behave more mindfully in these situations is by reading The Places That Scare You by Pema Chödrön again. I never actually finished this book but I think it would do me good to. Sometimes I feel that if I finish a book about self growth then I’m suddenly on my own and it’s up to me to remember all that I’ve learnt and implement it straight away. But in reality, I can still consult this book every day after I finish it if I want to.
So to recap, more for my own sake than anything else, my intentions for this week are:
- Purchase a journal specifically for making a manifestation practice and begin to follow it
- Refer back regularly to the article about self permission
- Read The Places That Scare You
I’m excited to begin a manifestation practice and I’m also excited about the prospect of becoming more and more like the person I want to be!
Apologies for the lack of a blog post last week, I also write for a music blog and was focusing my energy on an exciting interview.
Do you believe in manifestation? Do you have a formal or informal practice? Let me know! Thanks for reading. 🙂
– SMUT. ❤ xxxx