Instead of always focusing on why the men I attract cannot meet my needs, today I am going to hold my hands up and admit that I attract emotionally unavailable people and explore why. I listened to a podcast the other day with Mark Groves and Damona Hoffman. Damona is a dating coach and specialises … Continue reading Dating + Accountability
Category: journalling
First Week On Sertraline
I've written fairly extensively about my qualms about anti-depressive treatment. I won't go into depth now but I've written about it here and here. Not so long ago, I was feeling particularly resistant about taking them; maybe partly because my depressive illness had gotten so bad that I knew I might have to. But for … Continue reading First Week On Sertraline
So Filled With Beauty, So Filled With Pain
The past couple of days I have felt very open to emotional experience and very willing to love. I worked in a very hectic pharmacy yesterday, and with a pharmacist who had a somewhat bad reputation within the company. She was obsessive, eccentric, intellectually-preocuppied, highly methodical and certainly neurotic. But she was also intensely likeable. … Continue reading So Filled With Beauty, So Filled With Pain
Thoughts On…Refusing Medication
Trigger warning: suicidal ideation. * * * I've wanted to leave this earth forever countless times. I first wrote a song about it at age 15. How unoriginally "angsty" of me. What are teenagers like, eh? Not a care in the world yet somehow still finding something to whinge about. Human despair is a strange … Continue reading Thoughts On…Refusing Medication
The Detrimental Impact of Toxic Shame
Trigger warning: self-harm and suicidal ideation * * * Alyse Parker, a YouTuber and life coach I follow, said in one of her recent videos that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. That was definitely a thought-provoker for me. Because I spend a lot of my time … Continue reading The Detrimental Impact of Toxic Shame
Shadow Work + God-Consciousness
Something I've been struggling with a lot lately is social media. And just my phone in general. I'm finding it veeeeery difficult to limit my usage and I feel like my third eye is so clouded at the moment. Round about the new moon in Cancer a few weeks ago, I did have a very … Continue reading Shadow Work + God-Consciousness
Somebody Else
Trigger warning: disordered eating, restriction and emotional abuse * * * First of all, and potentially last of all, she's prettier than me. There was a sinking feeling of sorts, when I happened across her page. Ah, I see it. I see what he sees in her. Because she's prettier than me. Prettier than me, … Continue reading Somebody Else
Today Was…
Today was...dragging my feet at work. My sleep has been poor this past week and a lot of the tasks at the pharmacy are pretty tedious at the moment so there was a lot of checking my phone, getting distracted and feeling guilty because of it. Today was...something he'd said replaying in my head over … Continue reading Today Was…
Life Update
I've not written in a couple of months and I don't feel like I have the brain power to write anything particularly conceptual or structured. So this is just a life update, I guess. Since I last wrote, the madness of Covid-19 swept the world - throughout which I was working full-time in pharmacy. I … Continue reading Life Update
Meaningful Interactions + Surges Of Joy
One day, one of my colleagues in the pharmacy brought up the perceived quandary of whether or not to wish a person accessing the needle exchange service a nice day after giving them their works. I suppose the implication was that either it's impossible to have a nice day if you're injecting heroin or that … Continue reading Meaningful Interactions + Surges Of Joy